Survival Challenge
by Phantom Traveler
Summary: In a land far, far away something new arises, something like you have never seen before. Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Harry Potter all together for a new survival challenge.
1. Lord of the Rings

Chapter one Contestance # 1  
  
This is a story me and my friend Kim are writing, hope you like it. If you like this story check out some of my friends other stories, her pen name is Red_Dragon_Wine, and I have another story about Harry Potter, if you want to read it my username is hp_lotr_potc_fan. It's a story about Lily and James. Please read and review!!Anyway, here's our story......  
  
**********************************  
  
LOTR POV:  
  
The ship landed softly on the shores at the Grey Havens, and Frodo smiled weakly at Gandalf. Elrond stepped of the ship with ease followed by Celebron and Galadriel. Then came Gandalf followed by Frodo and Bilbo.  
  
An elf in the crowd walked forward and spoke to Frodo, "Brave, young, Frodo, we think highly of you here, we just wonder if thesse stories we have heard are true. In these stories...."  
  
But what the elves had heard in stories Frodo never founf out. For Frodo, Gandalf, and Elrond suddenly disappeard. The elves inthe crowd stood in shock, but Celebron and Galadriel did not look surprised, for they knew what had happened......  
  
**********  
  
"We dwarves are the stong silent, well, not so silent type," rambled Gimli.  
  
Legolas laughed as he walked into Fangorn Forest leading Gimli on their horse.  
  
"And those dwarf women, let me tell you, not the prettiest site you've ever seen," Gimli rambled on again.  
  
"Gimli, sometimes I wonder why I ever let you come with me," Legolas chuckled to himself.  
  
"You know my elven friend, me to," sighed Gimli.  
  
"Hold on Gimli," whispered Legolas stopping in his tracks," I hear something."  
  
Gimli reached for his axe as Legolas drew an arrow from his quiver. A distant rumbling was heard throughout Fangorn as a mad ent charged at the travelers.  
  
Gimli wasyelling something, but Legolas couldn't hear him because they disappeard at that very moment.  
  
**********  
  
Aragorn rode his horse Hasufel into Minas Tirith, joy bubbling inside him as he drew nearer to his Evenstar.  
  
"Aragorn!"called a voice, Aragorn turned on Hasufel seeing his Evenstar running towards him from an upper level.  
  
"Arwen, " called Aragorn back. He jumped of his horse and ran to her. They met on a staircase. Just as Aragorn was about to put his arms around her he faded and disappeard. Arwen, who was falling into his arms, lost her balence and fell down the stairs.  
  
*********  
  
Merry and Pippin trotted down the rode on their horses singing merrily as they rode towards Buckland.  
  
"Now far ahead the road has gone, let others follow it who can, let them a journey new begin...." the sang together.  
  
Merry looked at Pippin and smiled, "It sure feels good to be back in the shire."  
  
Pippin nodded in agreement.  
  
As they neared the Brandywine Bridge it faded from site and the disappeard.  
  
**********  
  
Sam sat in his chair with Elanor on his knee talking to Rosie.  
  
"So I says to Frodo, I says, " Sam began, but Elanor interupted.  
  
"Daddy?" she asked in whinney voice, " can I go outside?"  
  
" Sure, whatever you want, " replied Sam happily.  
  
"Anyway Rosie," continued Sam, " I says to Frodo, I says, I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!"  
  
"Really now?" asked Rosie sarcastically.  
  
Sam was about to answer, but at hat precise moment, he vanished.  
  
***********  
  
Saruman and Grima slumped down the road. Saruman muttering under his breath...." Gandalf thinks he's so great whilst I am reduced to a poor man with and ugly dog....."  
  
Grima nodded in agreement, ignoring the fact that he was the dog, afraid to say anything for Saruman would just snap at him.  
  
Saruman seemed content with a nod for an anwer so Grima didn't pish it by talking.  
  
Grima fell behind after tripping on a rock. He looked up to see Saruman walk down a hill and out of site. So he picked himself up and followed at a run so that Saruman would not notice that he was gone, but as he gazed down the hill it seemed as though Saruman had disappeard.  
  
"No!" cried Grima waekly as he sank to his knees crying like a baby without a bottle.  
  
***********  
  
Eowyn turned over in her sleep restlessly as she dreamt of a life with Aragorn. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't tell her heart to stop loving him. Faramir turned over beside her as she faded into the distance.......  
  
Frodo, Gandalf, Elrond, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Saruman, and Eowyn all appeared at the same place at the same time. They all looked at each other bewildered, not noticing that they were surronded by snow. 


	2. Harry Potter

Chapter 2 HP POV ( sorry I can't spell)  
  
"Nice save Ron!" yelled Harry encouragingly.  
  
"Thanks Harry!" Ron yelled back, his ears going red.  
  
George flew over to Harry looking disproving. "You don't have to say that every time he saves the quaffle, he sucks and he knows it."  
  
"Ya, I know, I just thought he needs some incouragement...." replied Harry.  
  
"Whatever you want mate..." said Geprge then he flew back to hover by Fred.  
  
Harry was about to fly of again to search for the snitch when his souroundings started to fade into darkness.......  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hermione sat stroking Crookshanks absentmidedly while Ginny gibbered away.  
  
"I can't beleive he was so arragant! Like really, what an arse, do you agree Hermione?"asked Ginny  
  
"Huh? What were you talking about? said Hermione wearily looking as though she just realized were she was.  
  
"MICHEAL CORNER! Weren't you listening?" yelled Ginny.  
  
"Ya, well, um, I guess, uh, no, I wasn't," said Hermione.  
  
Before Ginny could blow up any more on Hermione they disappeared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I really don't think he would be up for the job again, he should just take it easy," said Snape in his droning voice.  
  
"Really Serverus, who else will be able to take the place of Defense Against the Dark Arts?" asked Dumbledore questioningly.  
  
"Well, if we planned the time table properly I could teach both Potions and DADA," suggested Snape.  
  
Dumbledore stared at Snape, thousands of ways to say 'no' flying threw his mind, That's alot of work you know," explained Dumbledore," and that would mean less classes for the students, it's one or the other Severus and I would really hate to loose you as a potions master...."  
  
"Oh, all right," began Severus, you can hire..."  
  
But who they hired they nver found out, for they just stood speechlessas they faded from sight and they were gone.  
  
One of Hogwarts many house elves walked into Dumbledore office. "We could also add," began the elf,"Dumbledore? Wer'ed you go?"  
  
The house elf stood there looking around at the empty room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Please my Lord, have mercy," stuttered a short little man with a squeaky voice," please!"  
  
"I have given you all the mercy I have!" bellowed Voldemort," You have failed me once again, Wormtail, and this time, I have no mercy."  
  
"Please my Lord, please," whimpered Wormatail shrinking to his knees and bowing," please, one last time!"  
  
Voldemort whipped out his wand and pointed it at wormtail,"No Wormtail," is all he said before sending Wormtail into a fit of pain,"Crucio!"  
  
Wormtail screamed and wiggled on the floor shaking uncontrolibly. He tried to talk but the pain was to much.  
  
Suddenly the pain stopped and Wormtail, still shaking, looked up at his master, but he was no where to be seen.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Draco!" cried a squeaky voice, "You're supper is ready!"  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you!" Threatened Draco while pulling the house elf up by it's ears, " to call me master Draco!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry master Draco," cried the elf.  
  
"That's better," smirked Draco. He turned and walked out of his room and down to the dining room.  
  
His mother and father were already there.  
  
"Sit, Draco," said his mother,"So we can eat."  
  
Draco sat down, but before filling his plate he looked at his father."Father," he whined," Why don't we have our own quittitch pitch, why does Potter have to be on the Gryffondor team, why can't I have a firebolt like Potter, why can't you be a supportive father, why can't mother be..."  
  
"Mother be what?" asked Lucius, his anger rising. Draco just stared at him with a look of horro on his face. Slowley he began to fade until he wasn't there at all.  
  
"Draco?" asked Narcissia worridly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Luna Lovegood was sitting reading the quibbler underneath a tree on a beautiful summers day. She finished reading an article about flying purple sea monkeys and put the book down. She gazed up at the floating clouds and watched them drift by.  
  
Some of the clouds she saw were different shapes. Some looked like dragons, others more like wands, then, all of a sudden she spotted one that looked like Dumbledore, yet it looked odly real... That was because it wasn't a cloud, it was Dumbledore!  
  
Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Luna, and Severus were all staring at each other. "BLOODY HELL!" exclaimed Ron. 


	3. Pirates of the Caribbean

POTC POV  
  
"And really bad eggs, drink up me hearties yo ho!" sang Jack.  
  
"Will you shut-up with that song!" screamed Annamaria.  
  
"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!" continued Jack merrily.  
  
Annamaria grumbled angrily under her breathe, wringing a cloth in her hands, like she wanted to choke Jack. And she did.  
  
Jack started to sing again when he and Annamaria started to fade away, Jack singing the whole time.  
  
Elizabeth had gone to try on dresses for the wedding, so Will sat alone in their room, waiting. At every nosie he jumped and asked, "Elizabeth."  
  
Govenor Swann, Elizabeth's father walked into the room," Will?"  
  
Will jumped and asked," ELizabeth!?" Oh, hello Governor."  
  
"Hello, Will, Norrington is here and he says that you have a sword for him?"  
  
"Oh, yes, I've got it here," said Will getting up from his chair and walking over to his shelf, wich was packed with boxes of swords. He pulled out a fancy box with gold trim on it and handed it to Governor Swann, "Here is is."  
  
"Thank you, I will give to James for you." replied Swann  
  
"All right," said Will going back to his chair," Thank you."  
  
As Swann left the room, Will, with his head in his hands, faded silently away.  
  
Swann appeared at the top of the stairs holding a long wooden box, "Here it is Norrington."  
  
"Thank you, Governor,"said Norrington, taking the box from Swann.  
  
"Goodmorning," said a cheerful voice from the doorway.  
  
"Elizabeth!" said Swann, "Have you picked out a dress?"  
  
"Yes, and it's so beautiful!" replied Elizabeth smiling, "Oh, hello James."  
  
"Elizabeth,"replied the Commodore icily. The smile faded from Elizabeths face.  
  
"James..." began Elizabeth, but she didn't finish because at that moment they started fading away until all that was left of them was well, nothing!  
  
(don't ask how Barbossa is still alive, he just is.)  
  
"Captain, can't we just buy a aship!?" asked Pintel.  
  
"Buy!" exclaimed Barbossa,"We are pirates, we don't buy, we steel!"  
  
"Oh, "Said Ragetti.  
  
"Idiots," mumbled Bo'sun.  
  
"Come on!" said Barbossa, "that ships not gonna steel itself! Twigg, you go to the right, Pintel and Ragetti, take the left, Bo'sun, vome up from behind, i'll take the front! Go!"  
  
"Ahhh!" the yelled as a war cry, but they never touched the boat becuase they faded slowly from sight.  
  
Somewhere, covered with snow, 8 pirates and 3 respectable people appeared. 


	4. Greetings

'What the bloody hell is this?' yelled Fred(or George, whichever you prefer), looking confused and appalled.  
Everyone looked around, curiously eyeing each other with interest and fear. Everyone looked peculiar to each other at first; the Harry Potter's in robes and caps, Lord of the Rings in capes, with swords and bows and arrows, and all the things of that sort, and the Pirates dressed as...well, pirates. But the most peculiar was the Hobbits.  
Of course, wizards and witches don't have a clue what Hobbits are(same with Pirates, but they aren't included in this part). So then they wouldn't know that Hobbits are originally supposed to be three feet tall, and have big hairy feet. So, intentionally, Fred and George had to poke some fun.  
Fred wandered casually over to the nearest, which lo-and-behold was Frodo, and grinned down at him. Frodo looked up nervously, looking quickly to Sam, Merry and the Pippin, and back up to Frodo.  
'Well, little midgets have to come to... to... uh, wherever this place is,' recovered Fred, smirking.  
'I am no middet, I am a Hobbit!' protested Frodo.  
'Middet?' George laughed, appearing behind Fred. 'It's midget, you doorknob!'  
Frodo turned red in the face and backed away. Another Hobbit, by the name of Sam, jumped in front of Frodo, sword beared to Fred and George. 'Don't make fun of Mr Frodo!' spat Sam, waving his sword.  
Fred backed up. 'Whoah, little one... settle done there! We'll leave him alone. Sheesh.'  
However, George did not back up. He had spotted Gimli, sitting on a rock, long beard wrapped around his neck to keep in warmth.  
'Your another Hobbit, too, I suppose?' asked George.  
'Aye, I am no Hobbit. Pure-blooded Dwarf.' beamed Gimli, proudly. 'Gimli, son of Gloin, I am.'  
Draco Malfoy, the little nasty rat-boy, was hiding in the crowd burst into laughter. 'Gloin? What kind of bloody name is that? Honestly, you people are rich!' Draco slapped his knee, laughing maniacally. A frightened Ron sank further into the crowd.  
Legolas jumped from his spot, arrow already in his bow and ready to fire, and aimed it at Draco's head. Draco stopped laughing immediately. Who wouldn't? He has an arrow pointed at his head, for Pete's sake!  
Draco was terrified, but Ron was rather joyous.  
'Kill him, miss!' shouted Ron, punching the air. Legolas rounded on Ron, arrow pulled back even tighter, and aimed it right in between his eyes. Ron gulped.  
'I am not a woman. I am Legolas.' spat Legolas, fury dancing across his face.  
'Sor-Sorry... I... well, it's just... your hair...' Ron stammered, tears welling in his eyes. Draco was grinning.  
'Make fun of our names once more, young one, and you will have a third eye.' Legolas warned, and loosened his arrow, stepping back.  
Aragorn stepped forward. 'I think we should introduce ourselves, since it seems we aren't getting out of here anytime soon.'  
'How about we find out how we've gotten to this damn place and see if they've got some rum!' piped up a man from the last group, which was the pirates. His eyes were outlined in dark make-up and dreads filled his hair, which hung out of a red headband, beads and other junk. Of course, it was the oh-so-famous-for-not-so-good-reasons Captain Jack Sparrow. Everyone turned towards the outrageous man to look at him. He sort of swayed on the spot and grinned at the people. He waved and Saruman snorted in disgust.  
'It's a simple thing really-' began Dumbledore.  
'-We have gotten here by-' Gandalf continued.  
'-By time-turning, or transportation into the past or future!' they both exclaimed at the same time. The both whipped their heads to look at each other, glaring. Everything was quiet except for Jack's muttering as he searched the snowy terrain for rum. Dumbledore took out his wand as Gandalf brought out his staff, both readying to fight.  
Suddenly, a man in his late 30's with a horribly done comb-over jumped out from behind a nearby tree.  
Everyone screamed in surprise as the man smiled broadly at them. 'Welcome everybody!' he yelled, arms wide.  
'Hi!' replied a man from the pirate group with a wooden eye. A fat man beside him elbowed him sharply in the stomach.  
'I'm Randell Crane!' said the man happily, walking past the groups.  
Hermione stepped forward. 'Mr Crane? How'd you get us here?'  
'I'm special, that's how! OK, does everyone know where we are?'  
'It seems we are on a mild part of Cadarahas...' said Legolas wisely.  
Randell was quiet for a long time, along with everyone else except for the Lord of the Rings group who murmured among themselves. 'Uh, close enough Mr Pointy Eared Guy!' Legolas looked offended. 'We are actually in Canada!'  
'I've heard of Canada!' yelled Hermione.  
'Typical Mud-blood...' Draco sighed, rolling his eyes.  
'Don't you dare call her that!' roared Ron, pulling out his wand.  
'You're going to attack him with polished wood?' asked Saruman, rolling his eyes. 'Uh-huh...'  
'It is not polished wood! It's a wand!' yelled Ron, still infuriated. 'I am a wizard-'  
'You're not a wizard!' cut in Gandalf. 'I'm a wizard!'  
'Well, we are too!' snapped Dumbledore, glaring at Gandalf.  
Gandalf stuck his tongue out at Dumbledore, and turned his back on him. Dumbledore glared at him, shaking his fist.  
'Uh-huh... Why are we here?' asked Harry, eyeing Dumbledore and Gandalf cautiously.  
'For the Survival Challenge!' Randell cried excitedly.  
'Oh, thank God we all know what that is!' said Will sarcastically, fuming.  
'You don't need to get angry about it!' retorted Legolas.  
'Who ask you, you nancing, prissy elf?' spat Will, tapping his foot impatiently.  
Once again, Legolas had another arrow pointed for death at someone. Randell burst into hysterias. 'Oh no, no, no! No weapons! We'll have to take those away! Nadene! Come take the weapons away!'  
Everyone groaned as they let their precious weapons be taken away by a tall, bulky woman with a moustache who growled when ever someone hesitated with the weapon. Gimli was crying as Nadene took his axe away and Jack tried to bargain his way out of it when she came to get his sword.  
'I'll give you rum! Nice, tasty rum!' Jack pleaded.  
'Give it up, Jack! You've got no rum!' snapped Annamaria angrily, as she set down her sword.  
'But she doesn't know that...' winked Jack, pointing to Nadene.  
'For the love of-' Annamaria sighed, rolling her eyes.  
'Alright! Roll-call!' shouted Randell. 'OK, Lord of the Rings group?'  
'Oh, I guess...that's us...' hesitated Frodo.  
'Kay. Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, King Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli the Dwarf, Gandalf the White, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Perigren Took, Saruman of Isengard, Eowyn of Rohan, and Elrond of Rivendall... are you all here?' asked Randell, running his finger down the list.  
'Yes!' they all said in unison.  
'Perigren? Meriadoc? Elrond? Really now, be civilized!' Snaped roared with laughter.  
'We are from Middle-earth, my greasy haired friend.' said Elrond mystically.  
'And where is, Middle-earth? There is no such thing!' shouted Norrington.  
'Middle-earth is where it is,' said Gandalf.  
'Uh, yeah... Well, what year was it when you left?' asked Norrington, sure that it will show that there was no such thing as "Middle-earth".  
'First year of the fourth age.' stated Aragorn.  
'Yeah... OK. Harry Potter people?' Randell said, ignoring the angry Middle-earthians.  
'Oh, of course we have to Harry Scar-Head Potter people... he is oh-so-great! Let's all worship baby Potter! The greedy little son of a bi-' hissed Voldemort.  
Randell ignored this and went on. 'Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Tom Marvalo Riddle-'  
'It is not Tom Marvalo Riddle! A cursed name! A name of my past!' roared Voldemort. 'It is Lord Voldemort!'  
'But it says here, Tom Marvalo Riddle...'said Randell, checking the list.  
'I could kill you right now if I had my wand.' huffed Voldemort, crossing his arms across his chest.  
'Well you don't now do you?'  
Voldemort was speechless.  
'Okay. On with this. Fred and George Weasley, Draco Malfoy...'  
'Draco? Oh, you people are the stupid ones!' mocked Pippin.  
'Why you little...' threatened Draco, stepping towards him.  
Pippin stared up at Draco. 'What are you gonna do big guy? Huh? Huh?' Pippin kicked him in the shin.  
Draco jumped on Pippin, swearing and cursing. Randell ran forward and tore them apart. 'We don't fight here! This is a place of love and warmth!'  
'Warmth? We're freezing our arses off over here!' shouted Fred.  
'Fine. I'll get on with the roll-call... ah, forget it. I don't care if you are here or not. Okay, purpose of the Survival Challenge. You will have to work together as one team to make it through the cold weather without clothes, weapons or food. You must make all of this yourselves. Every two weeks, we will have a vote to see who gets voted off the team. It will be freezing and many wild beasts roam these woods that could tear you apart in seconds. You will likely lose some fingers and toes because you will not have enough warmth. Fun, no?'  
'You're a nut.' said Ron, mouth wide open.  
'No, I'm a cashew.'  
Everyone was quiet.  
'Where is the bloody rum!' screamed Jack.

Kim: Ohmygawd! I am so sorry about this! It was my turn to write the chapter and I got really, really behind!  
Amy: I would've been done along time ago...  
Kim: Shutup. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I swear, it will get funnier!  
Amy: Cashews!!!  
Kim: smacks Amy, grinning  
Amy: Ow!!!


	5. Camp names

Chapter 5

Thanks to everyone who reviewed our story! It makes us want to keep writing! I won't keep you waiting..here's the chapter!

"So what are we even supposed to do for this 'survival challenge'?" spat Draco, " just be here?"

"Well, for the most part...ya!" said Randall," sometimes we may have games that can provide you with extra food or shelter, but otherwise just try to get along and make friends!"

"Do we get rum?" asked a strange looking guy with trinkets in his hair.

"It's not a common thing we hand out..." began Randall

"But is it a luxury item?" asked Jack hurridly," that you can win in games?"

"We could add that to our list of prizes..." said Randall reluctantly

"Good!" Let's play a good right now!" excl;aimed Jack,"Let's go! What do we do?"

"Well, were not going to play a game right now..." began Randall

" I WANT RUM!" yelled Jack

"Annamaria!" said Will," Can't you make him shut up?"

"Jack, settle down, we'll get you some rum!" soothed Annamaria.

"Oh, good," sighed Jack with releif,"When?"

"So were just supposed to exsist here with no food or shelter? inquiered Hermione.

"Didn't you listen to what the crzy man said?" asked Legolas.

"Well, yes, but..." stammered Hermione.

"I think," pipped up a small girl from the back of the Harry Potter group," that the purpose of this game is to try to survive, without many provisions, and the last person standing is the winner."

"Exactly," said Randall, " and every week someone will be voted out of the challenge. All right, I will now divide you into camps, wich will change every now and then.

Camp one - Jack Sparrow ("CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow), William Turner, Legolas Greenleaf, King Aragorn, and Fred and George Weasley.

Camp two - Ragetti, Pintel, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Perigrin Took, Harry Potter, and Ronald Weasley.

Camp three - Norrington, Governor Swann, Elrond of Rivendell, Gimli the Dwarf, and Tom Riddle ("It's Voldemort!).

Camp four - Captain Barbossa, Twigg, Bo'sun, Saruman the White, Gandalf the White, and Albus Dumbledore.

Camp five - Elizabeth Swann, Annamaria, Eowyn the Sheild Maiden, Hermione Granger, and Ginerva Weasley.

Camp six - Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, and Luna Lovegood.

With a lot of complaining and protests the contestants agrred to the camps.

"What do weget for this anyway?" asked Draco.

"10,000 galleons if your from the Harry Potter group, or $10,000.00 if your from the other two groups." replied Randall.

All of the contestants went to their arranged camps and picked a spot to put their sleeping bags down around the campfire in the middle of each camp. Then a loud voice, out of know where, so that all the camps could here, " All right! ("He says that way to much!") Now you are going to pick a name for your camp. All of the camps residence must agree on the name...you have 20 minutes."

CAMP ONE -

"So, what will are name be?" asked Will

"How about..."began Fred

"The Marauders." finished George.

"Um..." said Will

"The rum bottles!" exclaimed Jack.

"No!" said Legolas.

"Elessar!" said Aragorn

"The Elessar..." questioned George.

"Never mind!" said Aragorn disapointedly.

"Well we've got to pick something..." said Will.

CAMP TWO -

"The Lomgbottom Leafs!" exclaimed Pippin.

" Neville Lomgbottom?" asked Ron.

" Neville? asked Merry, " What kind of leaf is that?"

"It's not a leaf," said Harry, " He's a boy."

"Oh.." said Merry.

"This is so exciting!" exclaimed Ragetti.

"Be quiet," said Pintel.

"How about the firebolts?" asked Harry.

" Like lighting?" asked Pippin?

"It's a broom, " explained Ron.

"I have a wooden eye, " said Ragetti.

"That's nice..." said Ron.

"Who votes for the Longbottom leafs?" asked Pippin.

"Not me!" said Harry,

CAMP THREE -

"What's our name?" asked Governor Swann

"The Port Royals, " suggested Norrington.

"No!" said Voldemort," We are the Lord Voldemort camp!"

"Uh...no, " said Elrond, " Just no."

CAMP FOUR -

"I think a resonable camp name would be the Phoenix camp." stated Dumbledore.

"What the hells a phoenix?" asked Barbossa.

"It is an everlasting, beautiful bird." replied Dumbledore.

"Immortal?" asked Barbossa, " I vote the Phoenix camp."

"I don't want to be named after a bird!" exclaimed Saruman, " Legendary or not!"

CAMP FIVE -

"I say we should be the bookworms." said Hermione proudly.

"No way!" said Eowyn, "We'll be the Sheild Maidens!"

"We're...the...BOOKWORMS!" screamed Hermione.

"Listen to what she says," whispered Ginny to the other girls," It's her time of the month..."

"What?" asked Hermione.

"Nothing!" replied Ginny.

Hermione scoweled.

"The Underhills!" exclaimed Frodo.

"The Frodo's!" exclaimed Sam.

"I think a fitting name for this situation would be the Survival Camp." stated Luna.

"The Puffy camp!" exclaimed Snape.

"God, this is hopless!" said Draco walking away.

"All right, time is up and we have the results in!" said Randall over the loudspeaker, "The results are as follows:

Camp one - The Marauders

Camp two - The pickels (Not the pickles the pickEls)

Camp three - The Pretty Tiara's

Camp four - The Old Sesy Dudes

Camp five - The Bookworms

And Camp six - Two Midgets and Three Retards."


	6. So

Camp one - The Marauders

"Yes! We got our name!" cried Fred and George in unison, high-fiving each other.

Will scoffed," Why am I stuck with him?" he spat, pointing to Legolas.

"He's not evil or anything." said Aragorn.

"Yes, but he is annoying!" complianed Will, stamping his feet.

"Well....yes, he is a bit annoying, isn't he?" whispered Aragorn.

Legolas turned around to Will and Aragorn who tried to act innocent. "My elf ears arer tingling..."

"Right..." said Fred, looking at Legolas unsurley.

"Hey, where's the rum guy?" George asked, looking around.

"Oh, he is somewhere taking a break. He isn't in the story right now." Will explained.

"Oh."

"Were you talking about me, Will?" asked Legolas, stepping towards him.

"Um...yes?"

"I am an elf you know!" huffed Legolas, straightening up.

"And your piont is....?" Will questioned.

"Never mind," Legolas sulked, " It usually works."

"Sure is does," said Fred, patting Legolas on the back.

Camp Two - The PickEls

"How the bloody hell did we get the name pickels?" asked Harry outraged.

"I don't know...they do taste good, though" Ron pointed out.

"I hate HATE pickels!" roared Harry.

"Why?" asked Merry.

"They killed my parents." Harry sighed sadly.

"Are pickels evil guys, like....like the dead Kings?" Pippin asked, exited.

"No! They're a food!" exclaimed Harry, throwing up his arms.

"Harry....I thought your parents were killed by You-Know-Who?" said Ron.

"Who's You-Know-Who?" asked Pintel.

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" explained Ron.

Everyone looked confused. "Vol - Voldi - Voldimer!" Ron finished, blushing that he couldn't say the name.

"Oh!" everyone, besides Harry and Ron cried in unison.

Harry looked thoughtful. "You're right, Ron! My prents were killed by Voldimer! I mean Voldemort! Well, he'll get his now..."

"I thought he as gonna get his a few years ago..."

Camp Three - The Pretty Tiara's

While the camp sat gloomily on the snowy logs, Elrond was twirling around in a bright purple dress and he had five tiara's on his head.

"Yay,yay! Pretty Tiara's!" he sang, setting tiara's on his camp members heads.

Voldemort ripped his off and crushed it under his foot. " What a dumb name!"

"Elrond pouted, "My tiara!"

"Does anyone here know this guy?" asked Norrington.

All eyes turned to Gimli, who tried to look innocent. "Never seen him," Gimli stated.

"Don't be silly!" giggled Elrond, " You know me!"

"Get him under control!" ordered Swann, sitting down and chewing on a pine cone he found on the ground.

Grumbling, Gimli walked up to Elrond, " Um...Elrond?"

"Yes?"

"You're not a woman."

"Oh, I know. I just like the feel of this stuff! Does this dress make me look fat?" questioned Elrond, spinning in a circle.

"Yes, like and oliphaunt, now put on men clothes. Or what you consider men clothes." replied Gimli.

Elrond pouted and ran away.

Camp Four - The Old Sessy Dudes

"What does 'Sessy' mean?" asked Dumbledore.

"Your supposed to be smart, you figure it out!" snapped Gandalf angrily.

"I wanted to be the Phoenix camp...." mopped Barbossa.

"Sessy means...sexy." Bo'sun mumbled, clearing his throat and blushing.

"Urgh!" cried twigg, rolling his eyes.

Saruman snorted in disgust. "I am not OLD, a DUDE, or SESSY!"

"You got that right!" agreed Dumbledore, snickering.

"Oh, shutup, I mean I am not this 'sessy', but I am dashingly handsome." Saruman huffed looking proud.

"How long has it been scince you looked in a mirror?" questioned barbossa, looking at Saruman with narrow eyes.

Saruman's face fell and he hung his head. "18 years."

"There, there," cooed Dumbledore.

Camp Five - The Bookworms

"So... we are." said Annamaria, smiling.

"Shush. Reading." Hermione snapped pointing to her book.

"Oh, alright."

The camp was silent, exept for the occasional flip of pages and the chattering teeth of the others. Ginny looked at Hermione angrily.

"Mione, why do you get all the blankets?" she asked.

Hermione looked up. " I'm cold."

"Yeah, so are we." Eowyn pointed out.

"Right....I'm reading." Hermione said sternly to show that the topic was over.

"Stupid Menstraul cycle. " grumbled Elizabeth, shivering uncontroably.

Camp Six - Two Midgets and Three Retards

"We can call ourselves T.M.T.R." suggested Frodo to the group.

"Why?" hissed draco, shivering in his light robe. Author - "Aw Draco! Poor thing! Here's a 't resist....lol

"Because it's better than two midgets and thrre retards."

Draco shivered," Touche" British term

Thre was a soft thump behind the group. They all turned around to see Sam laying on the ground, feet and arms in the air, snoring loudly.

Draco's mouth fell open and Severus raised his eyebrows in interest.

"How does he do that?" breathed Luna, staring at the sleeping Sam with wide eyes.

Frodo shrugged and pulled his cloak closer to keep warm.

"Can all camps report to the center circle." roared a loud voice across the camps.

"No!" replied Voldemort, ripping off another tiara.

The camps trudged through the snow to the center camp. They all shivered, except Hermione, who had stolen everyone's blankets.

"Everyone using the supplied blankets well?" asked Randall, who was wearing pink earmuffs.

"NO!" said Harry, but Randall ignored him.

"Okay, tomarrow we will have our forst game!" said Randall happily."Now, you will all recieve a bucket of fried chicken from our proud sponsors, KFC!"

"What's KFC?" asked Pippin as he recieved his chicken.

"Not sure, but it smells good!" cried Swann, shoving pieces of chicken into his mouth.

Kim : Wow...no updates scince november. I'm really bad at this. :(

Amy: No your not, you just have your other stories to write up....but it is pretty bad...no updates scince November.....it's the end of January....


	7. Guest Apperance

Chapter Seven - Guest apperance

"Good-moring campers!" called Randall's voice over all of the camps. The next thing he said was not heard over all the grumbling of having to wake up so early (9:00), so he said it again.

"After everyone has gotten ready and eaten all of their left-over chicken pieces ( there was none - Governor Swann had stolen everyones while they were alseep), please gather in the center camp!"

They all hurried to get dressed ( except Hermione who yelled at anyone who told her to) and they proceded to the center.

When Hermione finally showed up Randall clapped his habds once and smiled evily at the contestants. They looked at him questioningly, except Dumbledore who just stood there twidiling his thumbs.

"Today is challenge day! Your challenge - you must sit through.........an entire.........3 hour.......Hilary Duff concert!" Randall said gleefully. ( Sorry to the Hilary Duff fans but but friend and I hate her and find her highly annoying!)

"NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed Hermione, sinking to her knees and throwing her fist-clenched hands up into the air.

The others made no movement, being that thwy had never heard of her before.

"Yes!" said Randall,"Also, you will be able to leave as you wish, but forfitting the prize. If someone does sit through it all, then your whole camp will share the prize!"

"What's the prize?" asked Draco sceptically.

"That will revieled only when the challenge is over!" said Randall happily, " The concert will begin in one hour. I suggest you go prepare yourselves.!"

" What if no one can sit throught it all?" asked Fred.

"Then the person who stayed the longest will win!" replied Randall.

"And if it's a tie?" questioned George.

"We will have a tie breaker question about Canada!"

"This is so stupid!" said Ron walking away.

When the contestants arrived back at the center camp they found a huge tent with a stage in it. There were 33 chairs stationed around it. Hilary Duff was not there yet.

"URGH!" said Hermione, "I don't want to do this, I REALLY don't want to do this!"

"It'll be fine," comforted Ron, patting her on the shoulder, " It's just a concert!"

"But it's Hilary Duff!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Hello!" said Randall walking up to them, " Please, take a seat."

Everyone scrambled for a front row seat, except for Hermione who took the one furthest from the back.

"Alright!" said Randall, " We are ready to start!"

Hilary Duff walked onto the stage, picked up her microphone, and opened her mouth to start singing.

"NOO!" scremed Hermione, and she ran out of the tent and into a solid brick wall, resulting in a concusion as she passed out.

Then Hilary started to sing and everyone's mouth dropped open in horror. All but Dumbledore, who sat in his seat and twideled his thumbs.

"Let's her microphone break, " Whimpered Fred," Please let it break!"

"If they hadn't taken my wand I would gladly blow her up!" growled george, his fingers in his ears.

Simultaniously, the constestants started screaming like Hermione and ran out of the tent: Legolas ("My ears! My sensitive elvish ears!"), Barbossa, Ragetti, Pintel, Aragorn, Jack("Right behind you, scragly!"), Ron, Voldemort, Gimli ("This is worse than dwarf singing!"), Governor Swann, Will ("This is worse than Elizabeth!" "HEY!"), Gandalf, Pippin, Harry, Merry, Elizabeth ("This IS worse than me!"), Frodo, Sam ("I'm right behind you Mr. Frodo!"), Eowyn, Ginny, Annamaria, Draco ( "I'd rather listen to Doby sing!"), Luna, then Elrond.

"Must ---- stay ---- here ---- " stammered George, "URGH! I can't take it anymore!" He ran out of the tent.

"NO!" cried Fred, " You can't leave me here! I won't make it!" He then followed his twin out of the tent at top speed.

Only one person noe remianed - Dumbledore, who was still sitting there, twididling his thumbs.

Randall walked into the tent with pink earplugs in his ears, "Stop!" he yelled, "STOP!"

Hilary stopped singing, looking puzzleled.

Randall took his earplugs out, " Thank you, but we are finsihed, you may go now."

Hilary walked off the stage. Her pitiful audience was only listening to her for 15 minutes.

"Congratulations Dumbledore of the 'Old Sessy Dudes' camp. You have won the prize! A cucumber!" stated Randall happily as the other campers walked cautiously into the tent.

"A CUCUMBER!?!?" exclaimed Draco," That pathetic!"

Dumbledore took the cucumber like it was his first born. Then, Governor Swann ran up to him, grabbed the cucumber, and ate it all in one bite.

Dumblre looked down at his hands sadly, as tears started welling up in his eyes.

"I stand corrected!" said Draco laughing his head off, "THAT'S pathetic!"

Hey people! Hope you liked the chapter! I pleased to say that I posted just a little bit faster then Kim did! lol.

Thanks to the following people for reviewing our story!

EvilDemonClownsStoleMyShoes (love ur name....lol),Coup d'etal 1, Go Canada ( Yay, another Canadian! Kim and I are too!), Hrary Ptoetr Ferak, Locke and Celes, Alejandra, FanficCriticGurl, The Dark One Reborn, and AlyEvenstar!


	8. Eviction AKA Hahayourkickedoff ceremony

Chapter Nine - The Eviction (A.K.A. Ha-ha-your-kicked-off-ceremony)

"Will everyone please come to the center camp area, please?" aked Randall after the campers had gone back to thier camps for a few minutes to decide who they wanted to evict, and for some rest. However, the only one who got any rest was Govenor Swann, becuase his snores could be heard for miles.

"What now? complained Draco, gathering with the others.

"We are going to vote!" excplaimed Randall, Please remember that the PickEls cannot be voted out, becuase they have the Ha-ha-you-can't-kick-me-off necklace. All other campers are fair game, and the PickEls will be voting along with everybody else. When I call your name, I want you to come into, this here tent. Nadene is inside. You will tell her who you wish to vote out. Understand?"

"Yes," a few mummbled, the others nodded or scowled.

"Jack Sparrow." called Randall.

"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!" mummbled Jack as he entered the tent. Nadene was seated at a table with a pen and paper."

"Who do you wante out?" grunted Nadene.

"Snape," replied Jack, then he excited the tent.

(A/N : I'll put a bit of dialoge in for the rest of them, but doing that for all of them would be boring. I'll just put two names per line...the first will be the person, the second name will be the person who they vote out.)

Will - Legolas

Gov. Swann - Norrington

Norrington - Will

Elizabeth - Frodo

Annamaria - Jack

Barbossa - George

Twigg - Barbossa

Bo'sun - Barbossa

Ragetti - Fred

Pintel - Draco

Frodo - Sam

Sam - Gandalf

Merry - Sam

Pippin - Gandalf

Aragorn - Legolas

Legolas - Will

Saruman - Fred

Gimli - Elrond

Gandalf - Dumbledore

Elrond - Gimli

Eowyn - Fred

Dumbledore - George

Harry - Elizabeth

Ron - Swann

Hermione - "Everybody!"

"You can only choose one!" replied Nadene

"Fine, Eowyn," pouted Hermione.

Snape - "Mr. Puffy!"

"There is no...nevermind."

Draco - Voldemort

Voldemort - George

Ginny - Annamaria

Fred - George

George - Fred

Luna - Twigg

"Alright, everyone! Voting is over!" cried Randall.

"Finally!" yelled Jack.

"The votes went as follows:

Jack - 1 Will - 2 Norrington - 1Elizabeth - 1Gov. Swann - 1 Annamaria - 1

Barbossa - 2Twigg - 1Bo'sun - 0

Ragetti - 0 Pintel - 0 Frodo - 1

Sam - 2 Merry - 0Pippin - 0

Aragorn - 0Legolas - 2Saruman - 0

Gimli - 1Gandalf - 2Elrond - 1

Eowyn - 1Dumbledore - 1Harry - 0

Ron - 0Hermione - 0Snape - 1Draco - 1Voldemort - 1Ginny - 0

Fred - 4George - 4Luna - 0

Which means that there is a tie between Fred and George." Said Randall happily .

"What are we going to do?" asked Ginny.

"We are going to kick off both of them!" exclaimed Randall.

"Yes!" said Fred and George, high fiving each other. "We get to go home!"

"No you don't!" said Randall, you get to spend the rest of the challenge in that 8 feet deep hole!"

Fred and George looked thunderstruck.

Suddenly Nadene appeared behind them and pushed the twins into the pit, causing them to land on their faces with a sickening thump.

"Ow..." said Fred.

"Mommy..." whimmpered George.

"The upside of living in that hole is that you get hot, prepared meals 3 times a day! The down side is that you will not be allowed out to use the bathroom." explained Randall.

The group was silent."Eww..." said Draco.  
"Ya, well we get to eat!" yelled Fred.

"Ha, in your face!" said George.

"Ya, well you get to sleep in your own crap!" questioned Fred.

"Oh, ya!" said Draco sarcastically, "It's my lifelong dream."

"Ha! We're living it!" yelled George.

"Losers." snorted Draco, walking away.

"Wait a minute there Draco!" interupted Randall, "You are being designated new camps!"

"Oh, joy," said Aragorn, sarcastically.

"The new camps are as follows:

Camp one - Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Harry, and Ron.

Camp two - Annamaria, Luna, Elizabeth, Ginny, Eowyn, and Elrond.

Camp three - Aragorn, Legolas, Will, Gimli, Draco, and Norrington.

Camp four - Barbossa, Swann, Gandalf, Saruman, Bo'sun, Voldemort, and Dumbledore.

Camp five - Jack, Pintel, Ragetti, Snape, Twigg, and Hermione."

"Yes!" exclaimed Ginny, "I'm free of Hermione!"

"HEY!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Please disperse into the numbered camps, the number will match your camp numbers!" said Randall, "When you get there, you will select new names for your groups!"

"Oh, joy." said Aragorn.

A/N - Sorry, I haven't updated in a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really long time! I had a bit of writers block, so this chapter is only a filler chapter, the next chapter will be longer...and funnier.

If anyone has any ideas for funny stuff to happen later on, please let me know! Kim and I have some stuff written down already, but if you guys have any ideas we'll put them in if it fits with the story.

I realize that some of the characters are very out of character. I'm sorry to those people who strongly care, but this is a leisure story for me. Other stories I have written have been very serious. This is like my break story, bent on fun and humor only. I hope you found this story as highly amusing as Kim and I have found it so far!

Hope you liked this chapter - though it kinda sucks...thanks for the reviews so far!


	9. New Camps

Chapter 10 - New Camp Names

Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, Harry, Ron.

"This is so stupid," said Ron, "Why don't we just keep the same camps?"

"Not a clue." replied Harry.

"Well, I haven't got a clue what we should call ourselves," said Pippin," I'm still tired from picking out last name!"

"Me too," said Sam.

"What was your guys' last name?" asked Merry.

"Two midgets and three retards," replied Frodo, " or T.M.T.R. as I liked to call us."

"Hmm..." said Harry and Ron, stoking their chins.

Annamaria, Luna, Elizabeth, Ginny, Eowyn, Elrond.

"Yes!" cried Ginny, high-fiving Luna," No Hermione and still all girls!"

"Elrond is a boy," Eowyn whispered.

"That's okay," giggled Elrond.

"How did he hear you?" asked Luna.

"He's and elf!" replied Eowyn, "They have very keen hearing, excellent eyesight, light on their feet, uterly soundless, fait, longhaired, tall, slim, immortal, flawless..."

"Altight!" interupted Annamaria, " We get it!"

"Your okay with being called a girl?" asked Elizabeth.

"Sure." said Elrond

"We should call ourselves something girly!" cried Elizabeth.

"Ya, but what?" asked Ginny.

"I know!" said Elrond.

Aragorn, Legolas, Will, Gimli, Draco, Swann

"Yes! We're together again!" said Aragorn, as he, Legolas, and Gimli high-fived.

"Hunters forever!" cried Gimli.

"Togther 'till the end!" asdded Legolas.

"Retards reunite!" said Draco, clasping his hands together above his head.

Will laughed. Legolas scowled at Will.

"You again?" he asked.

"No kidding, they can't even seperate us on this stupid, stranded, snow covered, retard filled, stupid, weathered, no weaponed, good for nothing, mother f..." ranted Will.

"Enough!" interupted Aragorn.

"Yes, we're supposed to be picking a name." added Govenor Swann.

"Okay, where the HELL did you come from?"asked Draco.

"I've been here all the time and I've got an idea for a name." replied Swann.

"Let's hear it then." said Will.

"Well, it's not a name in particular." said Swann putting his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on his heels," My idea is to name us after some kind of food like pinecones, or grass."

Draco galred at him and Will looked at him apprehensively.

"Food! That's a terrible idea!" began Draco, "I'm not being named after some food. Pinecones or grass? Thats not even food! I don't know what you've been smoking...or eating. And whats with TRYING to look smart, rocking back and forth...hands behind your back..."

"Okay, Draco!" said Aragorn, " I think we've cut him down enought for an hour or two."

"He does have a point, Elassar." said Legolas.

"Oh sure!" said Will, " Side with the other blonde!"

"Hey, you know what, Will?" asked Draco.

"What?" asked Will.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Draco.

Barbossa, Albus, Norrington, Gandalf, Saruman, Voldemort, Bo'sun

"You know whats odd?" asked Gandalf.

"What?" asked Norrington.

"All of us have grey hair!" replied Gandlaf, "Or no hair at all," he added looking at Voldemort and Bo'sun.

"I suppose," said Saruman.

"Hey!" said Barbossa, "That gives me an idea!"

Jack, Pintel, Ragetti, Severus, Twigg, Hermione

"Hey, Jack, old buddy, old pal!" said Ragetti, walking up to Jack.

"Do you have any rum?" asked Jack as they embraced.

"No..." replied Ragetti.

Jack pushed him away, "Touch me, and die.Or give me rum." he added as an afterthought.

"Ok..." said Ragetti, backing away even farther, resulting in bumping Hermione. She hissed at him.

Ragetti backed away from her and bumped into Twigg, who grunted at him. He then preceded to retreat into Severus, which finally knocked him over.

"WAlk much?" asked Snape, walking away.

"This just isn't my day, sighed Pintel, putting his head in his hands, still sitting on the ground.

MEANWHILE: In The Pit

"This has got to be the most boring part of this whole challenge." sighed Fred, sitting on the ground.

"No kidding." replied George, "Just imagine if it wasn't a tie. Thne only one of us would be in here and that would be even worse!"

"Yep, " said Fred, "I'm glad to be here with you, George Weasley, here at the end of all things."

"What?" asked George, dumbfounded.

"Oh, nothing," said Fred, comming out of a trance, "It's from a movie I saw."

"Okay then." said George, sittinh next to his twin.

Fred sniffeled.

"What?" asked George.

"Sorry," said Fred, wipping his nose, "I just went back to the movie."

George rolled his eyes.

Holy! I haven't posted for a really long time. I take for ever to get in the swing of things.(A.K.A. a new school year.) I'm really bad for posting at set intervals. I havewriiten over the summer holiday s but I never found any time to post, until now. I can't belive I've only been in school for 2 months!

I can finally change my profile, I am no longer 14, I'm offically 15, as of October 22! I got my learners licence. I'm not embarassed to say that I'm not that great of a driver! LOL.

I thought, just to make things a little more interesting, I'd have a poll in my messages every time I post a chapter. I know some other people do this so don't accuse me of plagerism. ( I can't spell it, lol.)

Here's the poll question:

Of all the 22 characters in this story, which is you favorite (why) and which is your least favorite (why).

Please base your answers on the actual characters themselves, not what Kim and I have made them out to be in this humor fanfic.

If we have a decend number of poeple repling to this poll, I will continue creating them for every chapter. I hope you liked this chapter and I will sincerely try to post alot more often. Please review. I appreciate them! For those of you who don't know, you can review if you are nort a member of this site.

I better go and get ready for volleyball practice. Have a great day, week, month, year, life, etc.


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